The One Who Watches
by Alun
Summary: Alistair was never recruited by the Grey Wardens. Instead he was stationed at the circle tower in Ferelden. He watches as a templar and mage dance around their feelings for another. As he's drawn into his own dance with the mage, the conflict between duty and love war inside.
1. Chapter 1

Alistair stared out at the calm waters of Lake Calenhad and fretted. His new life was about to begin and all he could think about was what he was leaving behind. Not that he was leaving much behind, life at the Chantry had not been kind to him. But this new life held little appeal either. He would be spending his nights and days surrounded by mages, diligently on the look out for signs of abominations and blood magic. The buzz of magic would be all consuming and it frightened him. He had no choice about becoming a templar and he had no choice in where he was stationed once he had spoken his vows. He only hoped to find some kind of companionship, some friend, someone to make this bearable. Loneliness was a feeling he knew well and he was sick of it.

He watched the boat master steer his little boat onto the shore. Alistair kept one hand on the hilt of his sword at all times, vigilant already. He would be the best damn templar he could be. It was all he had now. Two men were waiting for him as he departed the boat and one held out his hand to steady him. He grasped the other man's hand with thanks.

"Welcome to Kinloch Hold, Ser Alistair," the elder of the two men said. "I am knight-commander Greagoir and this is Ser Cullen. He will be showing you around the circle until you become acquainted with everything. If you have any questions, ask him."

Greagoir nodded at the other man and turned on his heel and left them. Not too friendly that one. "I am Alistair," he offered his hand to the other templar, wanting to make sure they got off to the right start.

The other man smiled softly and Alistair felt relief. "Cullen, as the knight-commander said. We should get you inside before you freeze."

Alistair had barely felt the cool air against his skin, not that much of it was exposed. His armor was heavy and confining, but he took the other man's concern to heart. "How long have you served here?"

"Two years. I was sent here right after I took my vows at eighteen."

"Me too. I mean I just took my vows."

"You're nervous. It's okay. You'll fit in here. We become like a family."

"And the mages?"

"They keep to themselves for the most part. Do mages frighten you?"

"No," Alistair said too quickly. "They just make me nervous."

"Good. It'll keep you vigilant. Never forget what they are capable of. However, they aren't bad. Some of them are actually quite…" He didn't finish his sentence. "Anyways, come with me. We'll get you set up right away."

As they walked, Cullen introduced him to the other templars, not that he could remember any of their names. He said hello and kept a polite smile on his face. The mages however watched him with incomprehensible gazes. They were wary of him and kept their distance. Alistair felt uncomfortable and Cullen must have noticed.

"You get used to it. Many of them see us as their jailers, keeping them locked away so they can't harm innocents. Others are a bit more accepting of being here. Each mage is an individual. It would do well to remember that."

They continued to walk, the circle itself felt huge. Cullen would point out areas that he needed to know but again it was all just too much information for him to handle. They made their way to the dining hall where the smell of freshly baked bread caused Alistair's stomach to grumble. Cullen chuckled. "You are probably starving. We should get something to eat before it's all gone."

"We eat with the mages?"

"Yes. Though we tend to sit apart."

Alistair's eyes scanned the not so busy dining hall. His eyes fell on a group of mages talking animatedly among themselves. It was then that he saw her. Her long red hair attracted the eye first, a stark contrast to the drab colors of her companions. It was her lips he noticed second, nearly as red as the hair on her head. She looked up and he saw recognition in her face as she lifted her hand up for a small wave. He looked at his companion who had his own hand up in return. Cullen's face had gone soft and he had a small smile on his lips.

"Who is she?" Alistair asked.

That jolted Cullen and he blushed slightly. "That's apprentice Amell."

"Seems pretty friendly."

"Uh, well, she's one of the… ummm… more accepting mages."

"I'll keep that in mind." Amell. That was a name he would remember.

# # # # #

Jowan, Petra, Anders and Amell sat together in the dining hall, eating and drinking and gossiping. Even once the food was long gone, the four friends remained seated, talking and laughing. They didn't notice that nearly everyone else had cleared out.

"So have you heard about the new templar?" Petra asked, a gleam in her brown eyes.

"Yeah, I heard. I'm hoping for a woman," Anders said, a grin plastered on his face. "A hot one."

"Figures," Jowan said. "You slut, you."

Amell laughed. It was true Anders had a certain reputation but that usually only went so far as his fellow mages. "A templar is a bit ambitious of you."

"You can't corner the market on them," he said slyly. Amell blushed.

"I have no idea what you mean." Of course she was lying and they all knew it. Her friends were very aware of her fascination with a certain curly haired blond Templar. And as they liked to tease her, his fascination with her. Not that either of them acted on anything. She didn't even believe that he had any feelings for her. All he did was stumble over his words and blush. He probably did it with all the female mages. In fact, she was certain of it. Of course she found it absolutely adorable. But he was a templar and completely off limits. Perhaps that was part of the appeal.

"Lost in a daydream there, Amell?" Petra asked, amusement lacing her words.

"No." She threw her half-eaten roll at her friend's head, narrowly missing. It tumbled to the floor. She took a quick look around to see if anyone had seen her, well a templar at least, when she caught two templars staring in her direction. She recognized one of them as Cullen. Before she knew what she was doing, she lifted her hand and gave a slight wave to the man. Her stomach fluttered when he returned the gesture.

"What in Thedas are you doing, Amell?" Jowan asked, turning to look in the direction of her wave.

"Just spotted the newest templar, sorry Anders. Another man."

"And what a man," Petra said, practically panting. "I'd like to get locked in a room with him."

"And how can men like us compete when the two of you are basically drooling over our jailers?" Anders had a sharp tone in his voice that Amell wasn't used to. She looked at her friend who was scowling in her direction. What happened to change his mood? Did he have a thing for Petra? Hadn't they hooked up already? She couldn't keep track of either of their conquests.

"How long do you think it would take before I could get him out of that templar armor?" Petra ignored Anders complaint.

"Why take it off? Isn't that part of the appeal?" Anders sneered. This time Petra didn't ignore it.

"What is your problem Anders? Weren't you just moments before dreaming of a female templar?"

"Maybe he's jealous," Amell offered. Anders turned his glare to her. She wanted to wipe it off of his face so she reached out to touch his shoulder. He relaxed at her touch. He smiled at her slightly.

"I meant it. How can the rest of us compete?" Anders was looking at her when he said it in a way that made her suddenly uncomfortable. He had tried to bed her once, a long time ago, before they had become friends and she'd turned him down. He never tried again. She wasn't sure what she would do if he did try again.

She needed to say something to lighten the mood. "Did you hear what happened to Marta? She passed her Harrowing."

"Good for Marta," Anders mumbled. He had already passed his Harrowing as well and moved up into the much better mage quarters. The fact that he still hung out with them, mere apprentices, just made Anders a better friend.

"I heard her saying that once she passed her Harrowing, she was going to lose her virginity," Petra added, looking at Anders.

Anders laughed. "She's not really my type."

"Everyone is your type."

"Not anymore."

"Oh Maker, Anders not chasing tail? Who are you, and what did you do with our friend?" Jowan mocked.

"Maybe I'm tired of meaningless hookups. Maybe I'm looking for something more."

Petra's eyes got dark. "You know as well as I, as all of us know, that what you speak of is dangerous. You can't give them any leverage to use against you."

"Says the mage that was just ogling one of them."

"Just because I'd fuck one, doesn't mean I trust them." Petra kept her voice low.

Amell shifted in her seat, uncomfortable. She didn't share her friends' hatred of the warriors that watched them. While she wasn't their best friends either, she understood the necessity of what they did. She even pitied some of them. Some hadn't chosen this life any more than she had. They were stuck together and she'd make sure it was as pleasant as possible.

Not that she dared voice her opinion around Anders and Petra. Both of them had suffered at the hands of templars and both of them had very good reasons for their mistrust. Anders had escaped the tower many times, being brought back each time, beat up and broken. Then sent to solitary for months at a time. And Petra. Petra had once attracted the attention of the wrong templar. He had went out of his way to make her life hell until finally First Enchanter Irving had found him terrorizing the mage and put a stop to it. The templar was transferred out the next day.

"What's wrong, Amell?" Anders asked, noticing her discomfort.

"I'm just worried you'll be overheard."

Anders nodded. "She's right. No use in discussing this any further."

"So who is she?" Jowan asked after a moment of silence.

"Who?"

"The girl that you want more with."

"Who says there was a specific girl?"

"Oh but there is. You are a terrible liar Anders." Petra goaded.

"And if I tell you, the whole circle will know. I'm keeping my mouth shut."

"She's going to find out. It's just a matter of time," Amell said.

He smiled at her. "Whose side are you on?"

"What? I'm curious too. She must be pretty damn special to catch your eye."

"Yes. She is."

# # # # #

Cullen and Alistair finished their dinner. By the time they were done, the dining hall had been deserted. Even Amell and her friends had departed, but not before they had shared another glance. Just thinking about it made Cullen's heart race. His infatuation with the apprentice mage was dangerous and he knew it. But he couldn't keep his eyes from wandering to her face. He couldn't help watching her as she studied, her face scrunched up in concentration and the look of pure joy on her face when she mastered a spell. She was intoxicating and that made her all the more dangerous.

And the fact that she looked back. That she smiled shyly and waved when she saw him. Not that he was special. She acted that way with all the templars. She was kind to everyone around her. And that made her all the more appealing. While many of the mages treated them with disdain and even hatred, Amell was sweet and considerate. She would laugh at his lame attempts at jokes and was patient when he stumbled over his words. Which with her was often. He was lucky to get a single sentence out without stuttering. But she didn't seem to mind or judge him for it.

They were walking again but this time Cullen was lost in his own thoughts and stopped pointing out areas of interest to the other templar. If Alistair noticed, he stayed silent. Perhaps he was trapped in his own thoughts as well. So it took him for surprise when Amell and her friend, whose name escaped him, stood in front of them.

"Hello Cullen," she said, her voice like music to his ears. "Who is this?" She was looking at his companion, a small smile on her lips. He tried not looking at her lips. They led to some impure thoughts.

"Umm… h-hello Amell. This is… umm… Alistair. He just arrived."

"Welcome," she said, giving him a dazzling smile. Her friend reached out and touched Alistair's breastplate in a much too intimate matter.

"Yes, welcome." There was no denying the seduction in her voice. He saw Amell close her eyes and sigh. She didn't approve of her friends actions and that made Cullen happy for some reason. He didn't know how he'd feel if it was Amell stroking another man's armor. Not that he would know what to do if it was his armor being stroked.

"I'm Petra, and this is Amell. Nice to meet you, Alistair." She said his name with a purr. Cullen was starting to get uncomfortable and looking at Alistair, he was equally as discomforted.

"Well thank you for the welcome, Petra, Amell. Amell, that's an unusual name."

"It's my last name. It's actually Solona Amell, but no one calls me Solona."

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't suit me, I guess."

"Well, Amell is a lovely name." Was Alistair flirting with her? He looked to see a faint blush color her cheeks. Petra looked amused rather than annoyed.

"Well we should get back to our studying while you men do whatever it is that templars do." Petra grabbed Amell and started to pull her away.

"Goodbye Cullen," she said before turning with her friend.

Both men watched the pair walk away.

"The swaying of her hips must be intentional," Alistair said, his voice low. He was staring quite plainly at Amell's backside. "Is it for me or for you I wonder?"

Cullen felt his cheeks heat up. "You need to be careful. The mages are off limits."

It was Alistair's turn to blush. "I wouldn't know what to do with one anyways."


	2. Chapter 2

Alistair found his new job frustratingly boring. He had eaten breakfast with Cullen, and while the other man wasn't much of a conversationalist, he was thankful for the company. They parted soon after as Cullen had his own duty to perform and Alistair was stuck watching over the mages in the library. Watching other people study was enough to make his eyes droop. He tried to focus on something other than his racing thoughts when an apprentice approached him, holding onto a cup.

"Hello, Alistair right?" the apprentice Amell asked. "Standing there like a statue must be thirsty work. I brought you some water."

He eyed the cup, suddenly distrustful. Was this a trick the mages were playing? He looked around but no one was paying them any attention. He cautiously took the cup from her hands, finding the cup hard to hold with his gauntlets. "Thank you," he said as he sipped the cool liquid. Once satisfied that this was no trick, he downed the rest of it. "What do I owe you?"

She laughed and he enjoyed the sound of it. "You could tell me your story?"

"My story?"

"How you became a templar."

"You'd be interested in that?"

She smiled at him and tilted her head to the side. "Of course. It's not often we get new faces here. I know everyone else's story."

"It's not much of one. I'd rather hear yours."

"How about this? You tell me and then I'll return the favor."

He didn't know where to put down his cup so he kept awkwardly holding on to it. "I don't even know where to start. I was given to the Chantry when I was just a boy. My mother died when I was born and my father never claimed me." He swallowed. There was a lot he was leaving out but there were just some things you didn't tell another person.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know how difficult it is not to know your family."

"What about you?"

"Oh. I barely remember them. I developed my powers early. I was five when they brought me to the tower and I've been here ever since. Not much of a story I'm afraid. So you didn't choose to become a templar?"

"No. It was chosen for me."

"How difficult. There are others here like you. Ser Carrol for one. Though I think most of them chose this life, not that they could have possibly known how difficult it could be."

"You think we have it difficult?"

"I think everyone at the tower deals with their own problems. Mages and templars are not so dissimilar. Both have a great responsibility, mages to control their magic and templars to make sure magic stays under control."

"From what I've gathered, you are among the few that believe that."

"You might be surprised. Though there are those of us that resent the power you have over us. It's to be expected really. Some in power use it to destroy, others use it to protect. Mages aren't evil and templars aren't evil, there just happens to be evil people in the world."

Her view was refreshing and completely unexpected. He remembered Cullen's earlier words that each mage was an individual and he was starting to see the truth in that.

"Thank you for the water, Amell. And the conversation. Just between us, this job gets pretty boring."

"And lonely I bet."

"And what does a pretty mage like you know about loneliness?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Who was he to presume?

"Pretty, huh." She seemed to ignore the rest of his comment. She had a slight smirk on her full lips. Those lips. He could watch those lips for hours. Suddenly he became very aware of how hard he must have been staring because her lips started to frown.

"Is everything all right?" she asked.

"I seem to have forgotten my train of thought," he admitted. "What was I talking about before?"

"You were thanking me. Which you don't have to do. It was a simple thing really. An excuse to come talk to you."

"You wanted to talk to me then?"

"Of course. I had to know your story."

"So you are a collector of stories. Perhaps you could tell me one sometime?"

"If it pleases you. I should get back to studying though. Magic doesn't learn itself." She smiled as she ducked back into the library leaving him standing there with an empty cup.

Alistair made a decision, he liked this mage. She was more than just a pretty face. He looked forward to getting to know her more as time went on. Suddenly his job didn't seem so boring.

# # # # #

A few days later, Amell sat in the library with Jowan reading over creation spells. He was really not paying attention, his focus scattered everywhere and it was causing her to get short with him. If he couldn't be quiet he needed to leave but she couldn't bring herself to say that to her friend. So she kept her mouth shut and quietly grew angrier and angrier.

"You need to stop flirting with templars," Jowan demanded suddenly, interrupting her focus on a paralysis glyph.

She turned and gave him her best glare. He seemed undisturbed by it. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were jealous."

"Jealous?" He sputtered out. "I just don't want to see you made tranquil."

"I wasn't flirting. I was making conversation."

"It's dangerous. I see the way some of them look at you. Like you're meat."

She rolled her eyes. "Jowan, please."

"Listen to me. All it would take is for one of them to shove you into a dark corner and have their way with you."

Her mind immediately went to a certain blond templar and what she'd like to do to him in a dark corner. She must have gotten a dazed look on her face because Jowan snapped his fingers in front of her, startling her out of the daydream that was beginning to form.

"Who do you think they'll believe? You? Over a templar?"

"No one is going to rape me," she replied sharply, hoping that he'd drop it.

He didn't drop it. "What about the curly haired one who is always watching you?"

"Who? Cullen?"

"Yeah that one. He looks the type."

She made a disgusted noise in her throat. "Cullen would never…"

"It's always the quiet ones."

She had had it. She raised her voice. "Cullen isn't going to rape me." She realized by the complete silence that now enveloped her that she had spoken much too loudly and everyone in the library was staring at her. It was then that she noticed that Cullen was watching over them. He was a bright red, clearly he had heard her. Oh Maker. What he must have thought of her.

"Great," she muttered, staring daggers at her friend who did not look the least bit sorry.

"Be careful, Amell. That's all I'm saying."

"Fine. Just go before I embarrass myself further."

# # # # #

Rape her? Surely he had heard wrong. She couldn't think him actually capable of hurting her, could she? Why would they even be talking about that? He avoided looking in her direction, at least until he calmed the burning on his face. When he looked up, she walked towards him, her lips pressed tightly together and eyes cast down.

"Cullen?" she asked. He loved hearing his name on her tongue.

"Y-yes Apprentice Amell?"

"I wanted to apologize for what I just said."

"There's no need. I… didn't hear." He knew his face was ablaze again. He cast his eyes downward.

"You're a bad liar," she replied, a trace of amusement in her voice. "Jowan is an ass. I know you would never…"

He looked around, everywhere but her. He noticed that people were staring at them, whispering amongst themselves, probably making up something untoward.

"I d-don't think this… discussion is a-appropriate." He looked at her then, trying to keep his face stern, but it melted upon seeing the disappointment on her face. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to her, just not about this.

She swallowed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll refrain in the future." Was she hurt by his words? She sounded hurt, but why? He decided to change the subject.

"What are y-you reading?"

She brightened at his question. "A book on creation spells. Wynne seems to think I might have a knack for it."

"Is there anything you're not good at?" Finally a sentence he didn't have to stutter out.

She chuckled. "I don't have the best luck around men," she said quietly.

Maker was she flirting? No of course not, confiding then. "If Jowan doesn't see what a remarkable woman you are, then he's blind."

"Jowan? I wasn't talking about him. He's like a brother to me."

"Oh." Cullen felt a little stupid. He didn't know what to say to make up for it. So he just stared at his feet again, unable to keep looking at her face.

"You think I'm remarkable?"

He swallowed and felt his armor heating up. "Well… I mean… of course you are."

"Thank you. I think you're…" But she didn't finish her thought, she only shook her head. "I should get back to studying."

He watched her walk away and sit back down without glancing back up at him. What had she almost said? What did she think of him? He found it hard to concentrate on anyone else in the room but her. He watched as she flipped through the pages of her book. He wanted to go over to continue talking to her but that would have been very inappropriate. He needed to be careful. He had a job to do and she was a distraction. How could he ensure that all mages stayed safe when all he thought about when she was around was keeping her safe? The rest of the evening he spent trying to ignore the mage and failing miserably.


	3. Chapter 3

Alistair and Cullen sat at a table with the other off duty templars, playing cards and drinking. They were in the templar quarters and thus free from having anything to do with the mages. Alistair still felt like he didn't quite belong, only Cullen ever really talked to him. And Cullen didn't talk much. He thought some of the other templars had a bit too much to drink when the conversation suddenly turned to which of the mages was most bed-able.

"So that Petra, I bet she's a firecracker in the bedroom," Ser Carroll said with a smirk. Cullen shook his head. Carroll nudged him in the ribs. "Don't deny that you've imagined a certain apprentice in all kinds of naughty positions." Cullen turned red.

"Petra isn't my type," Cullen said. That caused Carroll to burst out laughing.

"Petra should be everyone's type. The amount of times I've caught her in compromising positions. Just waiting for the time she propositions me," said one of the other templars whose name escaped him.

Carroll wasn't done terrorizing Cullen though. "I could see the appeal of Amell. All virginal and unspoiled. Plus that ass of hers."

Cullen didn't take the bait, just went back to sipping his ale. Alistair wanted to defend his friend but he wasn't sure how to do that without making things worse. So he kept quiet.

"I admit I've wanked to the thought of her on her knees. Those red lips of hers tight around my cock…" Carroll continued.

Alistair could see Cullen's mouth tighten and his breathing start to speed up. Carroll was getting to him. The rest of the templars were staring at Cullen, waiting for him to say or do something. But Cullen kept under control.

"Maybe one of these days I'll find out."

Alistair snorted. "I doubt you're her type."

"So the newbie speaks. You all hot and bothered for her too?"

"She's easy on the eyes," Alistair responded noncommittally.

This got Cullen to speak. "There's more to her than just her looks." He was glaring at Alistair when he said it. Great he just pissed off his one friend.

"She's nice too. Made me feel welcome." Alistair was no longer talking to Carroll and the others. He wanted to mend things with Cullen.

"And how did she do that?" Carroll interjected.

"By talking to me like I was a person."

"She is kind," Cullen agreed.

"Has anything ever happened between you and Amell?" Alistair asked.

All the color drained from his face. "That would be inappropriate."

"But some of them sure make it hard to be appropriate," one of the templars said.

"The mages are off limits for a reason." Cullen must have been done with the conversation because he suddenly got up and made his way to his bunk.

"Nobody disturb Cullen. He's probably taking things into his own hands."

Alistair felt bad. Cullen didn't deserve their teasing, especially about Amell. Instead of saying anything though, he went back to drinking. Maybe if he drank enough, he'd forget all about this night. Hopefully in the morning, Cullen would still be his friend.

# # # # #

Amell was trying to study again when this time it was Anders proving to be a distraction. For some reason, this didn't bother her as much. She tried not to think too deeply into the why. Out of nowhere, he leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I'm leaving again."

She turned to him stunned. "What? When?"

"It doesn't matter right now. What matters is getting you to come with me."

She looked around but no one was paying them any attention. She kept her voice low anyways. "I can't just leave."

"It's not safe for you to stay here."

"Why? Have you been talking to Jowan?"

"No, but I heard your Harrowing is soon."

Amell felt her breathing pick up and a stone settle in her gut. "You don't think I'll succeed?"

He put his arm around her and pulled her in close. She breathed in his distinct scent of soap and something entirely male, enjoying the comfort for far too long. "I believe in you, I do. You should still come with me."

She closed her eyes but eventually pulled herself away. "Don't try to escape again."

"Not sure what you'll do without me?"

"Last time they put you in the dungeons for a year. This time they'll kill you or make you tranquil."

"They'll have to catch me first. You know you're cute when you're worried." He tweaked her nose like an older brother would do to his little sister.

"I'm serious Anders."

Before she realized his intentions, he lowered his face and brushed his lips against hers. When she didn't respond, he pressed them more firmly against her mouth. His tongue darted out and flicked against her closed lips. Then he pulled away. She saw something smoldering in his eyes. She sat there stunned into silence. Finally she found her voice. "W-why did you do that?" she stuttered out.

"Always wondered what you tasted like. Now I know."

His words sent a shiver down her spine. She wasn't sure how she felt about his advances. On one hand he was a very good friend and stepping past that boundary could be detrimental to their friendship. However, he was ridiculously good looking and if she could convince him to stay…

"If I let you kiss me again, would you stay?"

He cocked his head to the side. "If I kissed you again, would you come with me?"

He didn't wait for her to answer before pressing his mouth against hers again. This time she responded. He let out a low moan as her tongue found his. The smoothness of his lips and the warmth of his tongue shot electricity between her thighs. She realized too late that they were in the middle of the library surrounded by mages and templars and engaging in something that should have been private. She pulled away first.

"Is it because I'm not a young strapping templar?" He asked, a hint of darkness in his tone.

She felt her face heat up. "I'm just not used to you acting this way with me."

"Rejection makes a man cautious."

She covered his hand with her own and gently squeezed. "I can't go with you."

"And I can't stay. I guess that means we will never find out if there is more between us."

She nodded sadly. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"While I can think of several things we could do until I leave, no. Nothing could keep me here. Not even you."

"I'll miss you." She hoped for his sake that he really got away this time. He deserved his freedom.

"I'll miss you more, Amell."

# # # # #

Cullen's chest tightened when he witnessed the kiss between Amell and her friend Anders. He felt as if someone punched him. He knew Anders' reputation and was outraged that he was going to… defile her. He didn't notice Alistair's approach.

"Are they normally so open with their fornication?" he asked.

Cullen glared. "Anders has no shame."

"Are you okay?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"I know you have uh feelings for her."

"She's just a mage. Nothing special." He turned away. "I've got some place to be." He quickly left the library. He hadn't meant to even stop there but he'd caught a glimpse of her and had found himself watching her again. He hadn't liked the closeness she had with the other mage but nothing had prepared him for the kiss. The way she kissed him back. He felt a heaviness in his chest just recalling it. He couldn't help the jealousy that flashed though his body.

He didn't want to admit it, but every part of his being wanted to be the one she kissed. It was forbidden, it was sinful, but by the Maker he wanted her. And now she'd just be another one of Anders' conquests. A small voice inside of him wondered if perhaps Amell would be different. If maybe she might mean something more to the other mage but that thought was worse. How difficult it would be to walk around knowing that they were together.

He was being unfair. She didn't owe him anything, the least of which was celibacy. It made sense that she'd find companionship where she could. The tower was a lonely place, especially for a mage. His mind warred with itself as he tried to dampen the feelings that the kiss had evoked.

It didn't help that news of the torrid kiss in the library spread faster than magefire. Everywhere it turned it seemed someone was discussing the deflowering of Amell. Did people really have nothing else to talk about? He found himself very grumpy when he sat down at dinner, alone. He very much wanted to eat in silence but Alistair plopped down beside him. He didn't have the heart to make the other man leave since he seemed to have made few friends since he'd arrived. And Cullen wasn't being a very good friend.

"I'm sorry I left earlier. I was late for my patrol."

"No apologies necessary. It's not like you abandoned your post or something."

Cullen wondered if he would have fled even if he had been posted. Could he have stood there and watched the two of them continue with their… with their… display of affection?

"I have the night shift tonight. Anything I should keep in mind?"

"It's hell. Hard to stay awake with nothing going on but it's also important. Bring reading material if you can. Sometimes it helps."

"You like to read?"

"I like plenty of things. Reading, chess… umm… being a templar."

"You quickly ran out of things there buddy," he said with a short laugh.

Cullen smiled. It was nice to have someone not mention Amell. Not that he wasn't constantly thinking about her still. Imagining how soft her lips must be, the feel of her hair slipping through his fingers. But now when he thought of her, the image of her locking lips with Anders tainted all other thoughts.

"It does bother me," he finally said, thinking he could confide in Alistair.

"What does? Your lack of interests?"

"No. Amell and Anders. I know it shouldn't. I have no claims on her of course. And it's not like I would ever actually act on my feelings, but it still bothers me. And I don't know what to do with that."

"When is your next leave?"

"Two weeks actually. I don't know where I'm going to go."

"Find someplace with a tavern wench and take out your frustrations on her."

Cullen's eyes grew wide. "Are you serious?"

"Sort of. I mean, if you're going to agonize over the woman it makes sense to try and forget her with another woman."

"Is that what you would do?"

"Maker no. I mean, I'm sure tavern wenches are great and all but I would fumble that so badly. It would be embarrassing."

"I don't think I'd fare much better. I can't even get a sentence out without stuttering around Amell. I can't imagine trying to proposition someone else."

"Do you want to?"

"What?"

"Proposition someone else? Or do you want to proposition her?"

"I would never cross that boundary."

"You're a better man than I then."

"Are you saying you would, if given the opportunity?"

"No, not necessarily. I just don't know how you resist temptation."

"Easy. She's not even interested. The infatuation, which is all it is, is one-sided. There is no temptation."

"And if it wasn't one-sided? If she came on to you?"

"Then I would pray to the Maker for strength to withstand the temptation."

"You wouldn't give in?"

"No. My faith is strong." But the Maker knew his heart and his one wish was to never have to face that temptation. It was better that she was with someone else, no matter how much it pained him to think on it. It was one thing to imagine her in his mind but quite another to act on those impulses. If she were ever to show genuine interest in him, it would be the hardest thing to do to tell her no.

He noticed her walk into the dining hall, Anders at her side. Suddenly desire for food fled and he stood abruptly. "I need to leave."

Alistair must have noticed her too because he just nodded. "I understand."

And for the second time in a day, Cullen fled the sight of Amell and her paramour.


	4. Chapter 4

Alistair escorted the apprentice Amell to Greagoir's office. He wasn't sure but he bet that the apprentice was in some sort of trouble. And from the way she dragged her feet, she knew it. He felt kind of bad about being the one to shuffle her to her doom but he was obedient. He kept stealing glances at her as she walked beside him. After the fifth such glance, she finally noticed.

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

Just an innocent beauty that I can't help but appreciate. "No, I'm just trying to figure out what you did to cause the Knight-Commander to be so red in the face."

"He was red in the face? That doesn't bode well for me."

"No it doesn't." As they approached Greagoir's door, he tried a joke. "Well it was nice knowing you."

"Just going to throw me overboard and let me fend for myself? How chivalrous."

He laughed. "Better you than me." He quieted as he knocked on the door. He remained quiet as Greagoir accused Amell of helping the mage Anders escape. He screamed at her, pounded his fist against his desk, and was all around terrifying. Amell handled herself well until Greagoir mentioned the kiss.

Amell turned bright red. "It was nothing. A game."

"So you didn't know he planned to escape?"

"He never said."

"You want me to believe your lover never shared his plan?"

At his words, Amell broke out into sobs. It was strange to see the woman who was moments ago calm and collected suddenly let loose a torrent of tears. This was no pretty cry of a damsel in distress. This was anguish and hurt. "He left me," she wailed.

Greagoir was as taken back by her outburst as Alistair and seemed to not know what to do with the hysterical woman.

"Ser Alistair, would you please escort Apprentice Amell back to her room?" It wasn't really a request so Alistair only nodded. He led the woman, still shaking with sobs, out of the room.

It didn't take long for her to regain control over her person again as he watched her wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"For losing your… uh you know."

"Anders?" She sounded genuinely confused. Then she let out a snort. It was kind of adorable. "Anders and I weren't together."

"But all those tears…"

"For Greagoir's benefit." She suddenly looked up at him with big blue eyes. "You aren't going to tell on me are you?"

He swallowed. The mage was an impressive actor. It was a little off-putting actually. How could he tell if she was being genuine when now he knew what a farce she could put on? But Maker she was beautiful. "So you go around and kiss boys all the time?"

She narrowed her eyes. "He kissed me."

"That happen to you often?" Why was he asking her these things? He really needed to think before he spoke.

"No. It doesn't." There was something in her voice that gave him pause. Almost a longing.

"It should."

She stopped walking, staring at him, looking as if she was trying to read him. Well good luck, even he didn't understand himself.

"Wait does everyone know about that damn kiss?" She looked alarmed.

"Word travels fast in the circle."

"Shit."

"Worried someone in particular found out?"

She nodded, her eyes wide and her mouth tight.

"Who?"

She shook her head, clearly not about to answer him though he had an inkling he knew who she worried about. He didn't have the heart to tell her that Cullen not only knew, but had seen it himself. "I think I can find my own way back." He didn't argue as she walked away. He wasn't ashamed to admit he liked watching her walk away.

# # # # #

Her Harrowing was coming up fast and all she wanted to do was study for it. Damn Anders. His disappearance had caused an uproar in the tower. No wonder Cullen was avoiding her. Probably thought she was some slut throwing herself at random men. She sighed. Why did she care what one templar thought of her?

But she did care. There were already rumors circulating that she was pregnant and that is why Anders had fled. No one, not even Jowan, believed she hadn't slept with him. She shouldn't care. The rumors would die on their own. But still. She didn't want Cullen of all people to think she was easy. She wanted to keep at least a little of her dignity.

Thinking about his warm amber eyes as they watched her, his blond curls she yearned to run her fingers through and those lips… she felt wanton. She squirmed in her seat, unable to get the images of him out of her mind and focus back on the task ahead of her. She felt someone looking at her and turned to see Alistair. She smiled and gave him a quick wave. When he smiled back, her heart picked up pace. He was also very attractive. And he didn't stutter around her, instead he relied on jokes to keep her comfortable. But he didn't make her insides smolder like Cullen did. She doubted either of them saw her in the same way and even if they did, it was forbidden. There was talk that Cullen liked her but he was so shy and honorable.

Alistair walked over to her and all interest in the book in front of her died. "How are you today Amell?"

"Truthfully?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't care."

"I'm terrified."

"That's right, your Harrowing is coming up."

She nodded. "Have you been to one yet?"

"No."

"Heh neither have I. I have no idea what to expect."

"You'll do great. You're one of the best apprentices here. Whatever they throw at you, you'll be able to take."

"Thank you. It doesn't help but its the thought."

"Hey Cullen, come over here a minute." Amell hadn't seen Cullen come into the library. She quickly avoided his gaze, still unsure what he thought of her now. She watched him out of the corner of her eye.

He approached the pair cautiously. "Yes?"

"Tell Amell she'll be fine."

"Um, what are you talking about?"

"She's nervous for her Harrowing."

"Oh. I c-can't tell you about that." He avoided looking at her.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked, her voice quiet.

"I've been b-busy, I'm sorry. I didn't think…" he trailed off. He still wasn't looking at her.

"Don't believe everything you've heard," she said sourly.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not pregnant for one."

Cullen sputtered and Alistair laughed. "Looks like Carroll owes me a silver."

"Wait, you bet on me? Templars don't have anything better to do?"

"I told them the Anders thing was a misunderstanding but no one believed me. Not even Cullen."

Cullen sighed and rubbed his neck, something he did often she noticed. "You thought it was true?"

"What you do with… its not my business."

"Damn you Anders. You kiss me and suddenly I'm the circle slut."

Both men looked at her, alarmed by her words.

"I never thought that," Cullen said, his cheeks pink.

"Then what did you think?"

Cullen turned even redder as he looked from her to Alistair back to her, unable to speak.

"I just thought lucky man," Alistair offered the staring pair. They both looked at him and she felt her cheeks grow hot.

"Maybe we should stop talking about my none-existent sex life."

Cullen was still red. "Yes, lets." He sighed. "I have a patrol." He quickly left without looking back.

"I think he hates me now."

Alistair laughed. "Quite the opposite actually."

"Really? How do you know?"

"Well he's not umm very discreet with his feelings for you."

Something inside Amell twisted. "He has feelings for me?"

Alistair looked uncomfortable. "I really shouldn't say more."

"Alright. At least you stopped me from thinking too much more about my Harrowing. For that you have my thanks."

"No thanks needed. Glad I could be of assistance. And Amell? Being with one man does not make you a slut. You shouldn't disparage yourself like that."

"You're sweet Alistair. A little naive, but sweet." She smiled at him and was gifted a smile in return. His earlier words echoed in her head. Cullen had feelings for her. What did that mean? And why did it make facing her Harrowing that much harder?

_If I pass, if I make it through I'm going to figure out exactly how Cullen feels,_ she promised herself.

# # # # #

Cullen watched them bring Amell in for her Harrowing. She looked terrified. She caught his eye and he tried to give her a reassuring smile. She smiled in response and it made his insides tighten. His stomach was in knots. If she failed, he would have to kill her. He really didn't want to kill her.

He watched her succumb to the fade. The minutes ticked by and he kept sweating. His hand gripped his sword as he watched her every move. Watched for any sign that she had failed her test. He felt as if all eyes were on him when actually they were all watching the apprentice. If she succeeded, she'd no longer be an apprentice. Cullen wasn't sure how he felt about that. He'd still see her of course. She just would move up to the more spacious mage quarters. He sometimes had watch up there at night. Thinking about her at night caused him to grow a bit hot. _Focus,_ he told himself. _You must keep your focus._

He thought back to his last conversation with her. It had been strange and Alistair hadn't made it any easier. She had denied the rumors about her and Anders. That made him oddly satisfied. Not that he had any claim on her but knowing that she wasn't someone else's reassured him in a way. The fact that she thought he had thought she was… indecent… was appalling. He'd never think of her that badly. He had wanted to reassure her but the words had been frozen in his throat. Instead Alistair had done the reassuring. He wasn't sure how he felt about the man coming to his rescue. He had no problems talking to Amell. Not like Cullen, who sounded like an idiot whenever she was near.

He wished he had the other man's confidence. He wished he could make jokes that actually made her laugh, not some pity laugh because she felt sorry for him. He didn't want her to feel sorry for him. What did he want? A part of him wanted her to want him like he wanted her even if it meant that the temptation would increase. But that was a small part, an easy to ignore part, not a part he listened to. Frankly he was just thankful to be in her presence. To share a bit of her day with her. And if maybe his mind wandered to other activities they could be doing, he wasn't doing anything wrong as long as they stayed in his head.

Amell opened her eyes, waking from the fade. The first enchanter nodded his head at Greagoir who looked at him. "Please take Enchanter Amell back to her sleeping quarters."

Cullen nodded and scooped up the delicate Amell into his strong arms. She was light. She barely could keep her eyes open. "Did I…" she asked faintly.

"You passed, Amell. You did wonderfully." Funny how he could speak to her just fine when she was about to pass out.

"You don't have to carry me," she said, before letting out a giant yawn.

"Go back to sleep, Amell. I've got you."

To his amazement she snuggled into his chest, her breathing slowed. She reached out with one hand and pressed it against his breastplate. "You smell good," she murmured and he chuckled. She was funny half asleep.

He walked from the Harrowing chamber down through the templar quarters. Everyone moved out of his way as he carried her sleeping form. It felt good, too good, to have her pressed against him like this. He was glad he was the one charged with taking her back to her room, someone else may have taken advantage of her. Especially when her hand lifted from his breastplate to his cheek. She ran her fingers across his cheek to his chin and then lightly across his lips. Such an intimate touch, it threw him off. He found himself stumbling a bit. Her hand drifted back down, her eyes still sealed shut. She didn't know what she had done.

Her touch lingered in a way that he both liked and didn't like. He could smell her, jasmine, always jasmine. He cursed his gauntlets, preventing him from touching her like he wanted to. He imagined how soft the skin on her face would be as he traced his own finger across her cheek and chin and lips. His armor was growing quite uncomfortable but he was relieved that it hid his current predicament.

He hurried the rest of the way down to where the apprentices slept. He walked past the templar on duty and into the darkened room. He knew which bed was hers. He laid her down gently, a soft moan escaping her throat. She reached for him when he let go, straining for another faint touch. He maneuvered out of the way, not trusting himself to endure any more of her innocent grazes.

"Sleep sweetly, my dear Amell," he whispered. Without further thought, he bent down and brushed his lips across her forehead. She smiled softly in her sleep. He felt a bit foolish actually. Perhaps he was taking advantage of her. He watched her for a moment, but then went back to his duties. He dreamed of her again that night. Except he hadn't been carrying her to bed from her Harrowing but rather carrying her to his bed. When he woke, his skin was on fire and sweat had soaked his sheets. But he woke with a smile on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Amell had passed her Harrowing and Alistair was more relieved than he should have been. Cullen sat beside him, picking at his breakfast. He wondered what was wrong, if something was wrong, with the other man. He had been quieter than usual, lost in his thoughts. He tried to broach the subject of Amell.

"So Amell's Harrowing was last night. Did you attend?"

Cullen looked up from his breakfast. "Yes."

"How did she do?"

"Well. Why?"

"Just curious. Still haven't attended one. I'm glad she is all right. I would have been… upset if she'd been killed."

Cullen stared at him, which made him start to feel uncomfortable. "You like her." His voice was flat.

Alistair stumbled over his words. "Well… I don't… you see… yeah, I kind of do. Does that bother you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know why it should. It's not like either of us can do anything about it." He paused, studying the other man. "You do know that right. Even if she were to show interest, you can't act on it."

"I know." But he didn't say how he really felt about it. "Besides I don't think it is me she's interested in."

Cullen's eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"You of course. I've seen the way she looks at you, asks about you. I don't understand what's holding you back. Fear of rejection? Other templars dabble with the mages and don't get caught."

Cullen turned red. "It would be an abuse of power."

"What if she wants it?"

Now it was Cullen's turn to stumble over his words. "I… couldn't… it would be inappropriate. It's a moot point. Nothing is ever going to happen with Amell."

Alistair couldn't help but wonder if he had Amell's affections if he could keep his own vows. If she showed him attention, came on to him, would he be able to resist? Alistair searched the rest of the dining hall but was unable to find her. She must be resting after her ordeal. He wondered how he could arrange running into her some time that day. He practiced what he would say to her, crack a joke to see her smile. He liked when she smiled. It gave him goose bumps. He thought about her lips and how it would feel pressing against them. He had been kissed once before, by a chantry initiate back when he lived at the Chantry. It had been rushed, just a mere peck really. But it had made him want more. Unfortunately the only woman he really want to kiss was off limits to him.

# # # # #

Jowan had said the first enchanter needed to see her so she rushed up to the mage quarters where his office was located. On the way she ran into Cullen. She remembered how the night before he had been at her Harrowing. How he'd offered her a reassuring smile that had made her heart skip a beat. He was so kind and considerate. She walked up to him, her hands clasped behind her back and a small smile on her lips.

He noticed her immediately. "Oh umm h-hello. I uh am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly."

"Hello, Cullen."

"They picked me as the templar to strike the killing blow if… if you became an abomination. It's nothing personal, I swear. I… uh, I'm just glad you're all right, you know?"

"I knew I'd pass."

He chuckled. "You were always quite confident."

She shook her head. "I'm lying. I was terrified. Anyways, would you really have struck me down?" She already knew the answer but she wanted to hear it from him.

"I would've felt terrible about it. But… but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

The words didn't even sting. It was who he was, faithful and honorable. "I don't want to distract you from your duties," she said, losing her nerve. How do you go about asking a man if he's interested in you especially when you just asked him if he would kill you?

"You're not a distraction. Well you are but you ummm… can come talk to me anytime." His eyes were so bright and his smile so welcoming that she just decided to take the plunge.

"Maybe we could go elsewhere and… continue our discussion?"

He looked a bit confused. "Elsewhere? What do you mean?"

Oh Maker, was she really going to do this? She studied his handsome face, roaming over his cheekbones and lips and yes she really was going to do this. "I see the way you look at me…" her voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes widened and his cheeks went pink. "Oh my goodness. If you're saying what I think… that would be really inappropriate and… ah I couldn't. I-I should go." He sounded disgusted with her. And with that he fled down the hallway.

Humiliated. Disappointed. Hurt. She was so stupid. What in Thedas had she been thinking? Propositioning him like that. And now, oh how he must have thought of her. Throwing herself at him like a desperate woman. She swallowed down the disappointment, tears stinging her eyes. She would not cry. She would not give in to it.

# # # # #

Cullen risked a look behind him and saw a crestfallen Amell. He immediately felt guilty. He should have handled that better but he'd been taken by surprise. Regret pooled in his gut. He wanted to walk back to her, take her in his arms and kiss her, vows be damned. But there was no future for them. He was already standing on the knife's edge, even touching her once would topple him over and he would drown in her. The power of his feelings terrified him. She was better off without him.

He hurried back to his sleeping quarters, not caring that he was abandoning his post. He couldn't go back, couldn't face her again. He replayed the conversation over and over again in his head. Repeating what he should have said. But what was it? How could he have let her down easier? How could he explain that while every fiber in his being wanted her, it wasn't right?

It wasn't right, was it? He had prayed to the Maker several times to take away these feelings but they remained. He knew it was his burden to bear but knowing now that she felt something for him too. That made all of this worse. He would have to avoid her now. Being alone with her was not an option. He would treat her as he would any other mage. But she wasn't just any other mage. She was his Amell.

Alistair caught up with him before he could get to his quarters. "What's wrong? Aren't you on duty?"

He wondered if he should confide in the other man or if the other man would just make fun of him. But he found he needed to talk to someone.

"I'm running away, just as I always do," he said.

"Running from what?"

"Amell."

"Why would you run from her?"

Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "She uh… she asked me to go somewhere with her."

"Go somewhere? Like where?"

"Like somewhere where we could be alone."

Alistair's eyes got big for a moment until a smile broke out across his face. "I knew it." When he saw Cullen's expression, his smile fell away. "Sorry. I just had a feeling she liked you."

"This is awful."

"Awful? A beautiful woman is interested in you. Most men would be overjoyed."

"Overjoyed? It's not like I can actually act on this. I already told you that. Do you really not see the harm? If I were to betray my vows then what kind of man would I be?"

Alistair bit his lip. "A man in love?"

"Ugh. This is a mess. I don't know what to do. I can't very well face her."

"What did you say?"

"I dismissed it. Made it sound like it disgusted me, that she disgusted me. I was cruel."

"Oh, that's unfortunate."

"It'll be easier if she hates me. Thinks I'm an asshole. Then she'll move on and things can get back to normal."

"What is normal though? You watching her from afar, wanting?"

"Yes. Though I don't think she'll be talking to me anymore and that… that hurts."

"You don't know that. She could get over it, see your side. Maybe if you explained yourself."

"No. Then I'd have to admit I feel the same way and that would make things worse. I just have to live with the consequences."

"Well I admire you. I don't know if I could be so strong in the face of temptation."

"I would hope you would be. For the mage's sake at least."

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think suffers if it gets out that a templar had relations with a mage? It's not just the templar that's for sure."

"You really care for her. You'd deny yourself just to protect her?"

"That's not the only reason, but yes. I would never let her get hurt because of me. Even though that's just what I did, hurt her. Ugh."

Alistair clasped him on the back. "It's tough. But it'll get better."

"You think?"

"Can't get any worse."

Oh how wrong he was.


	6. Chapter 6

Off duty Alistair was wandering around the library when he caught sight of Amell studying. She looked lost in her thoughts, not in the book in front of her. He approached her without her even noticing him, though he made quite a ruckus in his templar boots.

"How goes it?" he asked, startling her from her thoughts.

"Oh hello Alistair."

His insides constricted at her saying his name. "You look lost in your thoughts."

"I have a problem," she said, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

"Oh? Can I help?"

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before nodding. "What is more important, duty or love?"

He swallowed. Why was she asking him? He took his time thinking about an answer for her. "Duty is important but love, real love, is rare. Love should be cherished. Duty be damned." He realized as soon as he said it how much he believed it.

She looked at him surprised. "I didn't expect that answer."

"Why do you ask?" It was probably something to do with Cullen. A part of him resented his friend. Was he really blind to her affections? Or was duty so much more important that following one's heart?

"Just an internal argument. Don't worry about it."

"But I do worry for you." He said before catching himself.

She quirked an eyebrow at his confession. "Oh? Why's that?"

He stammered. "I-I worry about a-all the mages. Magic is dangerous."

Her face fell slightly but she recovered quickly. In that moment he wanted to kiss her. It hit him so suddenly it took him off guard. He noticed her licking her lips and the image of her tongue licking him filled his mind. He was suddenly very aware of how close she was. He could smell her jasmine perfume. He wondered what she would have done had he kissed her. Probably reject him. Her heart belonged to Cullen. Thinking of the man, he broached the subject.

"Have you seen Cullen?"

He studied her reaction. She had none. "Why?"

Because I must know if you love him or if there's even the slightest possibility you have some affection for me. "Haven't seen him. Had something to discuss with him."

"He's avoiding me… again."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because I said something beyond stupid and he's trying to spare my feelings." She paused. "I don't know why I am even telling you all of this. I just find it easy to talk to you."

He grinned. "You're easy to talk to too. I hope you at least consider me a friend."

"Can templars and mages even be friends?"

He wasn't sure if there was a rule against that. "I say they can."

She laughed. "I think I like you Alistair."

His stomach did a somersault. "I think I like you too."

# # # # #

Everything was all right until they told her their plan. Their stupid, sure to get caught plan. And they wanted her to go along with it. She hesitated outside the First Enchanter's office. If she told on them, if she betrayed their trust, Jowan would hate her forever. And he'd be made tranquil. But if she were caught helping them, she'd be made tranquil or worse. She should just let them do this on their own but she had already agreed to find the rod of fire and as Jowan had said they couldn't do it without her.

She knocked twice on the door and waited for Irving to invite her in. Once inside she spilled everything. Once she was done betraying her best friend she waited for Irving to say something.

"Its prudent that they are caught in the act, otherwise Greagoir will never believe an initiate would help. Do as they say and I'll take care of the rest."

_Are you kidding me?_ She thought._ You're brilliant plan is to let them destroy the phylactery and try to escape, hoping to catch them before they do so? Surrounded by idiots, the lot of them. _She of course didn't say any of this out loud for fear of reprimand. "I'm not sure I can do that, First Enchanter. Couldn't you just deal with it before it becomes a problem?"

"No, this is the best way. Cooperate and there may be an opportunity for you outside the tower now that you've passed your Harrowing."

Well if there was ever a bribe that would work, it was that. Travel outside the tower was her dream and the First Enchanter knew it. Selling out her friend for a chance at her dream. Not that she hadn't already sold him out. Guilt started to creep up. But she would not be put in this position again, not after what happened with Anders. She was already on thin ice with Greagoir as it was, if another of her friends escaped, the heat that would come down on her would be scorching.

Irving signed her request for a fire rod and after procuring it, she led the two doomed lovers through the repository and watched as Jowan destroyed his phylactery. The blood splattered to the ground, now useless.

"Finally I'm free."

Amell's gut twisted. She should warn him but the damage was already done. As they exited, Greagoir and Irving, along with a few templars, one of whom was Cullen, waited for them.

"You were right Irving, the initiate has betrayed us. And you, newly a mage and already flaunting the circle's rules."

"This mage acted under my orders, Greagoir."

"What?" Jowan turned to me, betrayal etched into his features. "You… you told them? This is all your fault." She backed away, not knowing what to say. For a moment she thought Jowan would attack her. "Of course. You're just looking out for yourself. I thought better of you Amell."

His words were worse than any attack could be. He was right. She was a selfish woman and had betrayed one of her closest friends and now he was going to suffer and it would be all her fault. She didn't know how she'd face him once he was made tranquil.

Amell realized she had stopped listening to Greagoir when all of a sudden Jowan produced a dagger and swiped at his arm, drawing blood. He used his blood to power powerful force magic that tore through the First Enchanter and templars, knocking them unconscious.

Lily turned white. "Blood magic, Jowan. How could you?"

"I admit I dabbled. I had to become stronger. But Lily I'm giving up all magic for you. We need to hurry."

"No. Get away from me. I've made a terrible mistake."

The templars started to rouse. He turned to Amell. "And you. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you." He turned and fled and she had a momentary thought that she should try and stop him but she didn't. Maybe he deserved his freedom.

Once he was gone, she helped the Irving to his feet. Greagoir also stood by this time. She looked over to see Cullen staring at her, concern on his handsome face. Was he concerned for her? No of course not. He had made his feelings on her clear.

"Take the girl to Aenor. And you, what are we going to do with you?" He turned on Amell.

"Me? I just did what the First Enchanter asked me to."

"He destroyed it didn't he?"

"His phylactery? Yes. What did you expect him to do?"

"A blood mage free. This won't go unpunished. Perhaps the mage needs to go to Aenor as well."

"What no! I did what I was told, I shouldn't be punished."

"One of you take Enchanter Amell to her rooms while I discuss this with the Knight Commander."

Discuss it? What was there to discuss? Had the first enchanter forsaken her? The bastard. She wanted to scream but she held it back. Perhaps this was her divine punishment for betraying her friend. Cullen approached. "I'll take the mage to her quarters."

"Thank you Ser Cullen."

She had no choice but to follow Cullen. She risked a glance back and saw the first enchanter in a heated argument with the knight commander. She swallowed as she walked away, not knowing what fate had in store for her.

# # # # #

Cullen can tell she was beyond pissed as they walked back to the mage quarters. He didn't know how to address her after their earlier disastrous conversation. But he could tell that she needed someone to talk to and he was the only one around.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice soft.

"I wish they'd just left me out of it."

"I'm sure Irving with talk sense into Greagoir. You did the right thing," he reassured.

"Of course you'd say that," she replied bitterly. He was taken aback by her words. Never before had she spoken so venomously at him. She was either really rattled by her experience or still upset with him over his earlier words. He wanted to reassure her again but held his tongue. She must have seen the hurt and confused expression on his face because her own face softened. She stopped walking and held out her hand to touch his arm.

"I'm sorry Cullen. I didn't mean to snap at you." He nodded to show that he understood. He wouldn't hold it against her. "In fact I've wanted to talk to you."

"You have?" He could hear his heart beating faster in his ears.

"About what I said before. I was stupid and I take it all back. Can't we go back to the way it was before?"

He didn't know how to respond. So he took his time mulling over her words. Wasn't it what he wanted too? To go back. But was it possible to go back? He now knew that she reciprocated his feelings and it made staying near her harder. Now he knew if he were ever to slip up, if he were to let himself betray everything he believed, she'd be there willing.

"You're not stupid. I'm sorry," he said, looking down at her, searching her big blue eyes for understanding. "I didn't want to hurt you. I just can't be what you want me to be."

"All I want is my friend back. I've lost Anders and now Jowan. I don't want to lose you too." There was a desperation and sadness in her voice that made his heart ache. She had already lost two good friends. The fact that she thought of their unconventional friendship as something worth protecting, something worth saving filled him with a sort of joy. He mattered to her. It wasn't just her wanting him. She cared. And he cared too. He wanted her to know that without giving her a false sense of hope that he'd change his mind about them.

"You haven't lost me," he whispered.

She broke out into a smile and continued to walk. He was coming up with a blank on how to fill the silence when she asked him a question.

"What do you think Greagoir will do to me?"

"Nothing. You were just following orders."

"But he escaped. He wasn't supposed to. I let him. I didn't do anything to stop him."

"You were in shock. Your friend turned out to be a blood mage. I doubt you expected that."

"I should have known. Sensed something was off about him. Maker, how could he be so stupid?"

"I don't know. I don't understand why someone would turn to blood magic when they know the cost."

"I do. I understand the temptation. I just thought he was better than that. Am I such a bad judge of character?"

"That depends. What do you think of my character?" He was only joking, wasn't sure he even wanted her to respond.

"I think you are an honorable, duty bound, selfless man whose kindness has helped make being here that much easier." She didn't look at him when she said it. Seemed almost a little embarrassed.

"Thank you. I think you see the good in people rather than the bad. But everyone has their bad side."

"What's yours?"

"I'm not selfless. I hold on to my faith, some would say too tightly." _I've sinned in my head with you over and over, _he thought. "I let myself be distracted from my duties. I'm not as good as I could be."

"That doesn't sound so bad." She smiled at him. "You just sound too hard on yourself."

They arrived at her quarters before he could respond. "This is me," she said.

"Goodnight Amell."

"Goodnight Cullen."

He wanted to whisper, dream of me, but he'd just set that boundary. He couldn't very well break it. Boundary or not, he knew he'd dream of her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Warning- NSFW**

**Thank you to everyone who has left a comment. I really appreciate hearing from you!**

Alistair walked down to the dungeons, eager to see Amell. He dismissed her guard and settled in to take over what promised to be a long watch. She was the only person down in the dungeons.

"I do what I'm told and I still get stuck down here," she muttered when she saw him.

"I'm sorry, Amell." He unlocked her cell to give her dinner.

"Could you maybe eat with me? I'm awfully lonely down here. The previous guard wouldn't say two words to me. He just grunted a lot."

He eyed the ajar cell door. "You're not going to try and escape are you?"

She laughed. "I think you can take me if I tried."

He smirked. "Yes, I'd take you." _Smooth, Alistair,_ he thought. _Proposition the poor girl when she's stuck in a cage with you. _She raised her eyebrows at his statement but said nothing.

As soon as he laid her tray near her, she started shoveling food into her mouth. "Slow down," he said. "It's not going anywhere."

"I'm afraid they are going to forget about me down here and I'm going to starve to death."

"I wouldn't forget about you."

"My hero." _I could be,_ he thought. _If you let me._

She finished the food and shivered. "Are you cold?"

"A bit."

"Wait here." He paused. Unsure if he should leave her alone or not. She sensed his hesitation.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere Alistair."

"Right."

He ran up the stairs and located a warm wool blanket out of the storage closet on the second floor. He hurried back down and wrapped it around her shoulders. It wasn't very humane to let their prisoners suffer. She reached out and grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm scared." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. "Greagoir wanted to send me to Aenor with Lily. I don't…"

"Shh… you're going to be all right. I won't let them take you."

"Sweet words Alistair but there wouldn't be anything you could do."

He wanted to reassure her, needed to. He also wanted her to know how much he cared. So he let his feelings spill out. "I'd take you from the tower if I had to, I won't let them hurt you."

She looked up at him, something like wonder on her face. At least she believed he was sincere. Even if she didn't have faith in his ability to protect her, at least now she knew that he'd try. "What about your duty?"

"Duty be damned."

They both remembered the last time he had said those words and before he knew it she was standing on her tip toes and pressing her delicious mouth against his. After a moment of pure shock, he returned the kiss. His inexperienced mouth roamed over hers, sucking at her bottom lip and trailing his tongue along her top. She opened her mouth to him and he tentatively explored. She moaned, pressing tighter against him and he damned his armor for coming between them. Finally she pulled away, her eyes glassy as she looked at him.

"Do you regret it?" he asked.

"No, of course not."

"Neither do I."

He bent down and kissed her again.

# # # # #

After five days, they released her. Alistair had only been down there for watch once and after their kiss, she didn't see him again. That didn't stop her from obsessing about it the entire rest of the time she was stuck. Having her freedom back, she found him standing watch on the third floor, blessedly alone.

"Hello Alistair," she said, trying to sound seductive and failing miserably.

He didn't seem to notice because he blushed slightly upon seeing her. "Hello, Amell." His voice was husky and she immediately went back to their forbidden kiss in the dungeons.

She steeled her heart for rejection when she finally got the courage to ask him what she'd been thinking about ever since they parted last. "Would you like to meet me at the library when everyone is asleep?"

His eyes widened and he licked his lips. "Uh… of course. Are you sure? The risk—"

"Will be worth it." There were too many people around or she would have kissed him right there. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Yes. I'm looking forward to it."

Her heart thundered in her chest as she walked away. She kept looking backwards, expecting this to be some kind of cruel joke. But he only smiled at her and shuffled his feet nervously. Alistair wouldn't hurt her. She was sure of it. The rest of the day slowly ticked by as she waited impatiently for night to come and to be reunited with… well she wasn't sure what he was to her now.

She sneaked out of her room and found herself in the library. Darkness surrounded her since she was unable to risk the light from a candle. She waited, holding her breath until she heard footsteps. She caught sight of a blond head and reached out and pulled him into a corner of the library where they wouldn't be seen.

"You came," she couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice.

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

"I worried you changed your mind about me."

He stroked her cheek with his bare hand. It was then that she realized he wasn't wearing armor, only a sleeping tunic. "I've never seen you so undressed before."

"Does it please you?" he asked, his voice low, tickling her insides.

She nodded but wasn't sure he could even see her. She wanted to risk a light so she could see his handsome face but if they got caught… so instead she reached up, tangled her hands in his short hair and pulled him down so their lips met. There was no hesitation on his part. He devoured her and soon they were both moaning. His hands went from her waist to her shoulders and then smoothed down her sides. When she pressed into him with her body he let out a low growl and his hands started to roam across her clothed flesh.

He cupped her ass and pulled her in closer so she could feel his excitement press against her thigh. She ran her own hands across the planes of his chest, reveling in the tight muscles under his shirt. Then she trailed her fingers across the smooth expanse of his stomach, lingering over his hips until she just barely brushed his erection. He sucked in a breath and pushed his hips forward, wanting more contact.

She had no idea what she was really doing, just going on instinct when she reached below his waistband and grabbed a hold of his thick cock. He started to tremble at her touch and she wondered if she did something wrong.

"Are you all right?" she asked concerned.

He put his hand over hers and guided her hand until she was stroking him. "I'm great," he croaked out.

"I've never been with anyone," she whispered, doubt started to creep up. Would he still want her if she was so inexperienced?

"Neither have I."

"Do you want to?" She almost couldn't believe how forward she was being but the thought of him and her caused her groin to ache.

"What do you think?" he half moaned. She pulled her hand out of his pants. "Are you sure?"

In response she wiggled out of her small clothes and let them drop to the floor. Alistair sucked in a breath. His hand snaked up her robes until they found her sweet spot. He stroked her and she ground against his hand. She let out soft sighs, being careful not to make the noise she really wanted to. He sank to the ground and she followed suit. She laid on her back, spreading her legs for him.

"You are so beautiful."

"You can barely see, Alistair."

"I can feel. And it's enough." He nudged her knees further apart and started to play with her some more. He stretched her open with one of his large fingers, stroking inside of her. She moved her hips, enjoying the sensation, wondering what it would feel like to have him inside of her. He added another finger, stretching her further and it started to get uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Mmhmm. Just go slow."

So he did and as he thrust his two fingers inside her, his thumb circled the bundle of nerves that sent delicious shots of pleasure up through her body. "Am I doing alright?" he asked, nervousness in his voice.

"It feels good."

She could see him smiling in the dark. "I want to be inside of you so badly."

"Okay," she mumbled.

"Really?"

"Isn't that where this is leading?"

He chuckled softly and she heard rustling as he unlaced his breeches and pulled them down. "As long as you're sure."

"Alistair, I want you inside of me."

He didn't need further encouragement. He awkwardly positioned himself at her center and then slid in. It hurt. A lot. And her grimace of pain caused him to quickly withdraw.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I expected the pain. Just go slowly. Let me get used to your size."

He tried again, this time inching in slowly. She could feel herself stretch to accommodate his rather large cock. Once he was fully sheathed he stayed perfectly still.

"You feel amazing," he whispered. He cupped her face in his hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Tell me when you are ready."

She nodded and he slowly started to pump in and out of her. It was a delicious sort of pain and just as she was starting to get used to it, he tensed, his face scrunching up as he released himself inside of her. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hold back."

A rush of emotions hit her knowing that she had given him such pleasure. "It's all right Alistair."

He nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck, kissing her pulse. "Thank you."

They disentangled and kissed, her savoring his mouth fully. She was sore and she'd be even more sore in the morning but it had been worth it. They made plans to meet again the next night.

The next time they were together, it was better for her. And the time after that was spectacular.

# # # # #

Cullen walked his patrol route one night when he heard moaning from the library. He rolled his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was break up two lovers. But it was his responsibility so he ventured into the dark library. He kept his light out in front of him, dispelling the darkness. The couple in front of him didn't even notice as the light illuminated their flesh.

It felt like a sledgehammer to the chest when he recognized the couple. Amell and Alistair. His heart clenched at the sight. Unable to move, unable to even make a sound, he watched, feeling sicker and sicker. Alistair was seated on the ground with Amell straddling him. Her robe was opened in the front and he could see her breasts exposed. Perfect plump mounds of flesh that caused a bit of a tightening in his stomach. He shouldn't be seeing this, his mind screamed. But he was transfixed.

Her breathing was heavy as Alistair moved inside of her. Her head was thrown back, soft moans escaping her throat. Alistair brushed his lips across her breasts, fully absorbed in her. Neither of them noticed him. He watched mesmerized as she rolled her hips on top of him eliciting moans from Alistair.

"Amell," he whispered, his voice full of affection.

Cullen's hands closed into fists. He should just walk away, try and forget the scene before him but his anger got the best of him. He slammed his fist into the wall and the noise startled the couple. Amell's eyes flew open and she quickly covered herself. Cullen watched her eyes as recognition spread on her face. She looked down, face ablaze, looking very ashamed.

They both stood and Alistair adjusted himself, staying very close to Amell. He had his arm protectively over her as he addressed Cullen. "You scared us."

"I scared you?" Alistair flinched at the hardness in his voice. "Have the two of you lost your minds?" They both looked guilty but he continued his lecture. "What if it wasn't me? Do you have any idea what would have happened if someone else discovered you?"

"Cullen…" Amell whispered. She looked to be on the brink of tears.

"Don't. Just don't." He couldn't hide the hurt on his face. Not even his anger could cover up how much seeing them together hurt. "Go back to your quarters. Both of you," he commanded.

As if pouring salt on the wound, Alistair bent down and brushed a soft kiss across her lips but she barely noticed for she was staring at Cullen. All he can think was that it could have been him. It could have been his name on her lips as he thrust inside of her. He glared at Alistair. He had lost respect for him and he couldn't combat the jealousy he felt.

As she walked by, Amell reached out to touch his arm but he flinched away. She closed her eyes for a moment, tears slipping past her closed lids. He just didn't understand her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled and anger once again surged up.

"Don't."

She moved past him and away. Before Alistair could do the same, he grabbed the man's arm. "She can make it back on her own." Alistair swallowed but when he left, he went in the opposite direction towards the templar quarters leaving Cullen alone with his treacherous thoughts. Every time he closed his eyes he saw them intertwined. This shouldn't have happened. It couldn't be happening. This was all a terrible dream and he'd wake up and everything would be back to normal. But Cullen was never good at lying to himself. So he spent the rest of the night replaying the scene over and over in his head, torturing himself with the images until he fell into an exhaustive sleep at the end of his shift. But even his dreams betrayed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Alistair waited for Cullen to wake up. He needed to talk to the man before he did something rash, like go to Greagoir and spill. He had to convince him to be quiet. If not for his sake, then for hers. Last night had been a disaster. They had gotten too comfortable, too lax. Several nights without being caught had made them sloppy. And now they stood on the edge of ruin. He had to know where the other man's head was or if he would need to do something in order to protect Amell.

Cullen opened his eyes and groaned as soon as he saw Alistair. "You are not what I want to wake up to."

"We should talk."

"I have nothing to say to you." There was no more friendliness in his voice. Alistair had ruined that. Cullen stood up.

Alistair looked around but they were alone. "Then just listen. I love her. I will do whatever it takes to protect her."

"You love her?" Cullen whispers.

"Yes of course."

Cullen slammed him against the wall. Alistair groaned as pain shot up his back. Cullen was quite strong. He kept him pressed against the wall. "How can you say you love her when you put her in such danger? I don't believe you. I think you've let your lusts overcome your duty and you proclaim love to cover your shame. If you really loved her, you wouldn't do this to her."

Alistair pushed Cullen off of him. "Is that what you tell yourself? We can't all be unfeelingly noble. I'm not going to live my life without her because of fear. Admit it Cullen. You were too afraid and now you've lost her and that is why you are so angry."

Cullen ran his fingers through his hair as if he was trying to tame his wild curls. His breathing came in heavy and he looked momentarily at a loss for words. Alistair almost felt bad for him. Last night must have been quite a shock. He tried to apologize but Cullen cut him off.

"Do you think everyone is going to turn a blind eye while you sate your lusts? What do you think will happen to her if Greagoir finds out?"

"I won't let anything happen to her."

"You are being an idealistic fool."

"And you're being a sore loser." This wasn't how he wanted this conversation to go. He wanted to start over but Cullen was already quite upset and he didn't know how to quell that. So he just kept quiet. Maybe if he let the other man rail at him, he would calm down and they could talk like rational adults.

"Does she love you?" Cullen said so quietly that Alistair wasn't sure he heard him right.

"Yes, I believe she does."

"Has she actually said it?"

Alistair couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips as he remembered the first time she had said the words. "Yes."

Cullen looked like he was going to be ill. Then he looked him in the eye. "I would never do anything to hurt her. I'll keep your secret. For her sake."

Alistair's relief was palpable. "Thank you."

"I don't want your thanks."

"I'm sorry I fell in love with her too."

"No you aren't."

Yes he was. "I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

Cullen closed his eyes. "If any harm comes to her…" He trailed off with a sigh. "Be good to her." And with that Cullen left the room.

Alistair stared after him, realizing he just lost his only friend.

# # # # #

Amell finished up breakfast alone when she spotted Cullen. He looked terrible, like he hadn't gotten much sleep. He caught her looking and came toward her. Nervousness gripped her guts. She could still remember the look on his face when he had caught them a few days ago. So much betrayal and pain. It had hit her like a lightning bolt to the face. He looked at her today as if she was a stranger. And yet there he was. Still walking towards her.

"Could I speak with you for a moment Enchanter Amell?" he asked, his voice crisp and formal.

She nodded and cleaned up her food, following him out into the hall. They walked a bit until they were alone. It felt odd being alone with him. Not that they were truly alone, anyone could walk by at any moment.

"About the other night, Cullen—" she started until he interrupted her.

"I have patrol again tonight." He looked at her with thoughtful amber eyes as if his words had some hidden meaning.

"Okay."

"I would be willing to overlook a certain templar and mage…. liaison during my patrol."

Was he really saying this? She studied him. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was paler than usual. His hair, normally quite kept, was a bit unruly. She wanted to tuck a curl behind his ear. In fact the temptation to do just that had her silently condemning herself. She needed to stuff down her feelings. She had hurt him, terribly. She couldn't very well do the same thing to Alistair.

"You'd do that for me?"

He looked her in the eyes, his own full of so many unspoken words. "I'd do anything for you."

She felt her heart hammering in her chest. Why was he doing this? Why did it have to be him that caught them? While on one hand, at least their secret was safe with him on the other it just made things that more complicated. Because being near him made everything more complicated.

"I thought you didn't approve."

"I don't. But I can't convince you to stop so I can at least protect you from being caught."

She didn't know what to say to that. That he would still try to protect her after what had happened. So she mumbled out a thank you. He looked pained at her words.

"You love him." It wasn't a question.

She nodded numbly. She thought she loved him but there were so many conflicting feelings when she was around Cullen. When she was with Alistair, nothing else existed. She felt his love and it overpowered. He was so good to her, so kind and protecting and everything she could want. How then could she still look at Cullen and feel all those feelings still? When you loved someone, wasn't all the rest supposed to disappear?

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Does this mean we're still friends?" she asked.

"Of course." Before she could say anything else, he left. She watched him walk away from her. She couldn't help but wonder if the two men were switched, if Cullen was her lover and Alistair was the one she had hurt if she would still be this confused. Alistair had sneaked up on her. She hadn't known she had feelings for him until after they kissed. Maybe she simply wasn't over Cullen yet. Maybe she just needed more time. Thinking of not being with Alistair though hurt too much. She would eliminate whatever residual feelings she had for Cullen, see him just as her friend, as he saw her. She belonged to Alistair now. She would act like it. Feeling a bit better, she went and looked for him. She was eager to see him. She was in love with him. She just had to keep telling herself that.

# # # # #

This had been one of his stupider ideas. What had he been thinking? Watching out for them as they… as they… he didn't even want to think about what they were doing right that moment. He was enabling them, giving them permission to continue their sin. And yet, the thought of her being caught by someone else, being punished made his stomach hurt. He would protect her regardless of his personal feelings.

He saw someone approach, actually something. Something monstrous. An abomination. He withdrew his sword and attacked. The beast fought back. It swiped with its claws but Cullen was fast enough to dodge. Each of his connected blows barely scratched the surface. He needed to think fast. He got behind the abomination and swung his sword at its thick neck. He connected, severing the head. The monster fell. His breaths came in loud gulps. He needed to inform the Knight Commander but first he needed to protect Amell. He rushed to the library to find her. After another eyeful of perfection, he interrupted their love making for the second time.

"There was an abomination. The two of you need to leave while I get this sorted."

"A what? Where?" Amell hurried to her feet.

They followed him out where they ran into another abomination, this time flanked by a rage demon. "Take her down stairs," Cullen commanded.

"We aren't leaving you," she said, coming to his side. He could feel her start to build up her magic in an attack.

"Get her out of here."

Alistair began to pull her from his side.

"Cullen don't you dare die," she screamed as Alistair carried her off.

With her gone, Cullen could focus on the foes ahead of him. He needed to warn the others, get to the Knight Commander. He readied his blade and rushed forward, taking out an abomination with surprise. It was the rage demon that gave him trouble. He focused on his training, both mental and physical. This is what he was trained to combat. He would protect her, give them time to escape. She was what he thought of as he fought for his life.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: A bit NSFW and a tad Non-Con**

On the second floor, they ran into trouble. Two rage demons terrorizing a pair of apprentices. He marveled at the ease on which she called upon her magic, freezing one of the demons and allowing him to shatter it with a killing blow. The other she paralyzed, giving him the opportunity to tear it down with his sword. Then he felt her rejuvenate him, filling him with her magic. It was an odd feeling, one he wasn't sure he liked much. Once the two apprentices were safe, she started to work her way back up the stairs to where they left Cullen. He stopped her.

"Honor his sacrifice," he told her.

"Sacrifice?" She turned white. "We owe him. We can't just leave him to die."

"Cullen would want you safe."

"Damn what he wants."

Alistair was starting to feel a bit desperate. "I'm not letting you go back."

"What?" She looked down right scary for a moment.

"We are leaving Amell." He tried not to think about why she was so desperate to save another man. So he scooped her up and carried her down to the first floor. She kicked and screamed like a child but he ignored it. He was just lucky she didn't try to magic him. As if the thought just occurred to her, he felt the now familiar build up of her magic. He smited her without a second thought. She let out a cry of rage that shook him to his core.

"Why are you being a coward?" she snapped. Her words hurt.

"Because I love you and I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you." She stopped her kicking and screaming and went deathly silent. The silence was worse.

One of the senior enchanters and about a dozen apprentices were waiting outside the apprentice quarters. "Let me down Alistair," she mumbled and he did. She ran immediately to one of the apprentices and flung her arms around her. "Petra, you are all right."

The other woman hugged her friend back. "Amell it's good to see you."

Amell then turned to the senior enchanter who was setting up a barrier to ward out the demons. "Wynne, what is happening?"

"Uldred has taken over the tower with the help of some of the mages. Blood mages now. They are corrupting and killing everyone that stands in their way. The Knight Commander has barred the doors. I fear he will call for the Rite of Annulment. He won't open the door for anyone but the First Enchanter."

Alistair collapsed against the wall, fatigue finally catching up to him. He had failed in protecting her. If they annulled the tower, everyone, including Amell, would be put to the sword regardless of whether they were possessed or not. He couldn't let that happen. He rushed to the barred door, banging on it.

"Let me speak to the Knight Commander." No one answered him. "There are children here that need protection. Open this damn door."

Still no answer. He swore and banged until his fist started to ache. He felt a hand on his arm.

"Alistair, it's going to be okay."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I'm not going down without a fight. We are going to go save the First Enchanter."

"And if he's dead?"

"We deal with Uldred ourselves."

# # # # #

Amell thought that Wynne would be the difficult one to convince but it was Alistair. He refused to see the wisdom in her plan.

"If we stay here, we die. The only hope we have is finding the First Enchanter and getting him down here safely."

"It's too dangerous."

"So I should let someone else take the risk?"

"I don't know Amell. All I know is that I can't protect you."

"I don't need your protection right now Alistair. I need you to support me. I'm going. You can stay here if you want."

"Of course I'm going with you. Don't be so stubborn."

She nodded grimly and went to talk to Wynne.

"I need you to take down the barrier and let me through. I'm going to go find the First Enchanter."

"Are you sure child?"

"Yes."

Petra stood up from comforting one of the children. "I'm going to. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"I will go with too. Is it just to be the three of us?" Wynne asked.

"No I'm coming as well," Alistair said, coming over to stand with them.

"Harriet, watch over the children. We will clear the tower of demons and set things right," Wynne said, sounding far more confident than Amell felt.

Amell didn't stop to examine her reasons for needing to go. She knew she couldn't sit back and watch her home be taken over by blood mages. She would save who she could. And if along the way that meant she could save him, well, she would. She didn't know what she would do if she came across his body. So she didn't think about it. Hope for the best and everything.

The four of them stepped past the barrier and back into hell.

# # # # #

Cullen woke up behind a barrier. He blinked his eyes at the shimmering force field. Amell was at his side, brushing hair out of his face. Panic welled up in his gut. If she was here, then she wasn't safe.

"What are you doing here? You should be gone."

"I couldn't leave you," she said, her fingers trailing down his cheek. His heart hammered in his chest at their close proximity. It was far too intimate.

"Where is Alistair?"

"He's gone. He left me."

Cullen stood up and started to pound on the barrier. It wouldn't budge. "You can't stay here. They'll hurt you." The thought of her being a victim to the blood mages sadism urged him to hit the barrier harder. Pain shot up his arm at the force he was using. She reached up and grabbed his arm gently.

"Just stop, Cullen. I've already tried that."

He slumped to the floor, defeated. She crawled over to him and settled into his arms. "W-what are you d-doing?"

"We're going to die Cullen. They are going to kill us. I don't want to die alone."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "What about Alistair?"

"It's never been Alistair. It's you I want." Without warning, she pressed her mouth against his. He marveled at the softness of her lips. When she tried to press harder, he pulled away.

"We can't."

She growled and pushed him away from her. "What are you afraid of? Don't you want me?"

"More than anything, Amell." And he meant it. He felt dizzy being so close to her. All he wanted to do was give in, but it wasn't right. He wouldn't take advantage of her in this situation.

"Then make love to me." She leaned forward and kissed him again. This time he struggled to stop. He kissed her back, massaging her lips with his own. Her tongue flicked out and the surprise of it snapped him out of it. He pulled back for the second time.

Her eyes were glazed over when she looked at him. Blue eyes searching his own. "Touch me, Cullen. I'm desperate for it."

She stood and shrugged out of her robes and small clothes. He swallowed and stared at her bare body. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. His own armor was getting uncomfortable.

"I know you've watched. I know you want this. Give me what I need."

His cheeks were on fire as he turned away. He can't bear to look at her any longer lest he do something he'd regret. She knelt in front of him and grabbed his hand. His gauntlets were gone. When had he taken them off? All thought left his head when she raised his hand and cupped her breast with it. Her skin was smooth and soft and the flesh pliable under his inexperienced touch. He felt her shiver. He was frozen, unable to stop touching her.

"I need you Cullen. I need you inside of me."

She pushed his hand further down, between her legs. "See how wet I am for you?" And she was wet, her slick juices underneath his fingertips. She moaned, a sound that went straight to his groin. He wanted to continue, his entire body wanted to claim her but he held back. His mind was still in control. He pulled away. All of this felt wrong.

"You aren't Amell. You aren't her," he said, only half convinced.

"Of course I am. Why would you doubt it?"

"Amell would never betray the man she loves."

"But I love you."

His heart hurt. How he longed to hear those words from her. How easy it would be to ignore his gut and just do as she commanded. To take her in his arms and make love to her. It would be so easy. She was there, willing, more than willing. And she was right. They were going to die. Shouldn't he have a taste of what he'd been craving for two years? But this wasn't right. This wasn't how Amell would act. Something else was a foot.

"No, put your clothes back on."

Amell began to cry. Her look of devastation broke his heart further.

"Please don't do that," he begged.

"How can you be so cruel?" she asked, her voice hard. "I'd give anything to be with you but you reject me over and over."

He wanted to comfort her, to reassure her that it wasn't her, but something held him back. When he didn't respond she began to claw at her face. Her fingernails grew sharper as she pierced her skin and then dragged it down, leaving angry red lines. The lines began to bleed. He stared horrified, unable to do anything, unable to stop her. Her fingers became real claws and the faster she marred her beautiful face, the more blood splattered on his own face. He watched, horrified and sickened when she began to laugh.

"Oh my faithful Cullen, we will break you."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: NSFW and Non-Con**

They fought countless demons and abominations as they made their way up the tower. They found the bodies of friends torn apart. On the fourth floor, they encountered a group of blood mages discussing their next move. Amell burst in, her hands on fire as she directed her rage at the group. Two of them were dead before Alistair could even raise his sword. Which left the third on the floor, begging for her life.

"Amell, please. You know me. I made a mistake."

Amell's eyes were hard as stone as she regarded the other woman.

"What would you do if I let you go?" Amell asked.

"I would go to the nearest chantry and beg for forgiveness."

"Don't think that will work," Alistair said. "They'll take rapists and murderers but a blood mage? Not bloody likely."

"You let Jowan go. And he was a blood mage. Please I won't hurt anyone."

A dark look crossed Amell's face. Alistair started to go to her, to try and calm her down but she had already taken out her dagger and slit the blood mages throat. He felt sick at the display. It was one thing to kill your enemy in self-defense, but this was something else entirely.

Amell stared down at the dying mage, her face expressionless. Dead. Something in her had broken along with the Circle. Alistair gently removed her from the scene which jolted her out of her own head.

"We need to keep moving." So they did.

She was a force of nature, a storm of pain and anguish and Alistair was overcome with her power. He wanted to protect her but she was demonstrating just how little she needed it.

They came across a bewitched templar. A man he recognized but didn't know the name of. Nothing they said got through to him and he attacked. Amell, for the first time since they started this, froze. It was as if she couldn't bring herself to attack the templar. Alistair intercepted before the man could bring his sword down on the mage. He was forced to end the life of one of his brothers in order to protect Amell.

With the deed done, Amell fell to her knees in front of the body, her eyes wide. "We have to find him," she told him. He didn't think she was talking about the first enchanter.

They continued their assault, Alistair watching her out of the corner of his eye. Wynne and Petra could barely keep up with her as she rushed from room to room, stopping only to check the bodies. The bodies of people she'd grown up with, people that she knew better than he. The fact that she kept moving despite all the destruction was a testament to her strength. Alistair couldn't help but love her a little bit more than he had before. Even if she scared the crap out of him.

They entered a large room in the templar quarters and faced a new kind of demon. This one spoke to them. Well spoke to her really. She was their leader after all. The demon's voice soothed him and he found himself starting to fall. "Amell," he whispered before succumbing to slumber.

# # # # #

Amell woke up in a bed. She didn't know how she got there. Her memory was very fuzzy and every time she tried to remember just how she ended up in a bed, a sharp pain in her head caused her to cry out. Next to her on the bed, lying on his side was a man. She didn't recognize the back of the head. She reached out to touch the man's shoulder and he rolled over. It was Cullen. This confused her even more. What were they doing in bed together?

"Bad dreams again, love?" He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. This did not help her confusion.

"What are you doing?" she asked, pulling away from him slightly. It's not like she minded waking up next to him, it just didn't make sense.

"What's wrong?"

"This doesn't feel right."

His face fell and her heart tightened. She didn't like seeing him hurt, especially being the one that caused it. "Would you rather be someplace else?"

She looked at him. He was so unsure of himself, so vulnerable that she couldn't help but reassure him. "Of course not."

His face broke out into a smile and he pulled her in close, her naked body pressed against his bare chest. His large hands rested on her delicate hips and his lips. Those lips that she had dreamed of so many times, they were inching closer to her and she closed her eyes just as they touched hers. His lips caressed hers, lightly at first and then with more force. She surrendered to his mouth, letting him devour her lips hungrily. She opened her mouth as his tongue begged entrance. He swooped in and claimed her. She drowned in his kisses. Her hands reached up to grab at his curly hair, pulling him in closer. This is what she always wanted.

His hand drifted from her hip to her thigh. He nudged her thighs apart and trailed his fingers up towards her center. He started to probe with his fingers. She froze. Something felt off and she stopped him. He growled in the back of his throat but listened.

"How did we get here?"

"What do you mean? We live here."

"At the tower?"

He felt her forehead. "Are you feeling all right? We left the tower ages ago. Don't you remember?"

"No, I don't." She thought hard. What did she remember? She could smell him. So close, so distracting. Just go with it, her mind begged. Just give in to him. It's what you want. Her body responded to his touch and it wanted more. Oh how she wanted more. But not until she could remember. Flashes of memories cascaded in her mind as if the dam had broken. "I remember demons and blood mages and Alistair." She sat up. This wasn't real. It couldn't be.

Cullen's expression grew dark. "Do not speak that name. You belong to me now." He pushed her into the bed, his hardness rubbing against her thigh.

"Cullen, stop."

"You are mine and I'll take what is mine." Gone was the gentle man she knew and in his place a stranger. A stranger that had her pinned down, his hands roaming over her body again. She tried to fight back but he was too strong. He shoved two fingers inside of her. She gasped from the pain.

"You're not Cullen," she cried out. "Demon."

She called upon her magic and incinerated him. His screams etched themselves on her memory. Cullen. Her Cullen screaming in agony at her hand.

She wiped the tears from her eyes as the landscape of the room changed. She was in the fade. A demon had sent her and the rest of her party there. She needed to find her friends. She needed to find Alistair. Guilt started to pool in her gut. Why had they shown her Cullen when she loved Alistair?

# # # # #

There was blood on his hands, her blood, their blood, so much blood. And she was back, taunting him in her nakedness. She pressed against him, her hands on his bare chest. There was nothing between, not a stitch of clothes on either of them and he knew it was a trick. Another cruel trick. His body responded to her touch, a betrayal. He closed his eyes and prayed, feeling her hands glide over his muscles and down his stomach. He prayed as she gripped his hips and pulled him forward. He prayed as she wrapped a delicate hand around his cock, stroking him, causing a low groan to escape his lips. And yet he still prayed. Prayed for it to stop.

He wanted to push her away, he wanted to hurt her, this demon wearing her face. But he remained frozen. He had tried to fight back before but she was too strong. It was better to try to ignore it. But how can you ignore someone stroking you in the most intimate of places. She stopped, blessedly stopped for a moment before replacing her hands with her hot mouth.

It was too much. He struggled against her but she held him in place. She licked him and sucked and did everything she could to get him to finish. But still he prayed. He prayed for deliverance. He prayed for death. He prayed for this beast on her knees to die. He wanted to strangle her, to feel her life leave her body. He hated her. Hated what she did to him. And the line between demon and woman blurred until just the thought of Amell sent a burning hatred through his body.

"I will not submit, demon," he growled even as his body betrayed him yet again.

"Your body wants me," the demon Amell taunted. "You just can't resist."

He kept his eyes closed and continued to pray. If he were to stop, he'd hurt her again. He knew it. And the thought of running his sword through her soft flesh both sickened and appealed to him. How many times had she seduced him? And how many times had he killed her? And yet she still came back. Torturing him.

It's not always Amell. Sometimes Uldred himself came and tortured him, tried to break his mind. But he could resist that. While the pain is near unbearable it is better than Amell. When he opened his eyes, he was alone and clothed. He collapsed to his knees. He doesn't know how much more he can handle before he broke. And when he breaks, he knew he was dead. So he held out. He had to hold out. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of breaking him.


	11. Chapter 11

Alistair was playing with his children when Amell approached him. His Amell. Beautiful as always but for some reason wearing her old mage's robes. He hadn't seen her in a mage robe in years, not since they had escaped the tower. Amell had a strange look on her face as she stared at him.

"What is wrong, my love?" he asked. She looked like he had slapped her. Her eyes held unshed tears and all he wanted to do was reassure her.

"Alistair, this isn't real."

"What are you talking about?"

"We are in the fade. A demon put us here. Think. Think hard Alistair. How did you get here?"

"We fled the tower and I brought you here. You married me and we had children. Look at our children."

"Oh." The tears started to flow out of her eyes. "Oh Alistair. I'm so sorry."

He wanted to go to her but their oldest was holding his hand, holding him back. "That's not mommy," he said.

"What? Or course it is."

Without warning another woman approached, one that looked exactly like Amell. This Amell looked familiar, wearing an apron and carrying a small babe on her hip. "Don't listen to her, my love," she said to him. "We are happy. Don't leave you family."

Now he was confused. There were two of them and both were saying different things. His head started to hurt. He grasped at it, rubbing his temples with his fingers. It seemed so clear and yet there were no details. He knew the script but couldn't live it.

"Alistair, this isn't real. It's a demon."

He looked at the other Amell, the impostor Amell, the one that was trying to take his family away from him. "But we are happy, aren't we, Amell?" He stared into her familiar blue eyes and saw the truth. The truth he didn't want to see.

His wife reached for him, pulling on his tunic. "Don't leave us. Please Alistair. This is what you want. I can make you happy. There is nothing for you out there."

His heart broke as he turned from the fake Amell, his wife Amell, the mother of his children and walked away.

Fake Amell screamed and attacked him with claws that developed out of nowhere. The children attacked him, clawing at his legs with a viciousness that stunned him. He was powerless to stop them. How could he raise his hand against his family, even if they weren't real?

Amell had no problem destroying each one. He broke down, falling to his knees. His family dissolved, revealing their true nature but it didn't help. He had lost something. He couldn't move. Amell bent down and put her arms around him. "I am so sorry," she whispered into his ear.

He held her and cried until there was nothing left. Then he cleared his throat and stood up. "Let's find the others," he said, finally in control again. "Let's get out of this hell."

# # # # #

Once free from the fade, the four of them made it to the chamber right before the Harrowing chamber. This was where she found the templar on his knees praying. As she got closer she recognized him. It was Cullen. Cullen was alive. She rushed over to him and examined the barrier erected around him. She wanted to touch him, to know that he was real, but the barrier stood between them.

"I've never seen magic like this," Wynne warned.

"This trick again? I know what you are. It won't work. I will stay strong," Cullen said, now standing. His eyes were hard. The warmth completely sucked out.

"Cullen! Don't you recognize me?"

"Only too well. How far they must have delved into my thoughts. Enough visions. If anything in you is human kill me now and stop this game."

She reached out and touched the barrier that separated them. He flinched back.

"Don't touch me. Stay away. Sifting through my thoughts, tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have. Using my shame against me. My ill-advised infatuation with her, a mage of all things. I am so tired of these cruel jokes, these tricks, these…" his voice broke and the sound of it broke her. They had used her, her face, to torture him. The very thought sickened her. She already knew some of what the demons were capable, what they could summon, what you desired. What had they done to him?

"This is no trick. We're here to help."

"Silence. I will not listen to anything you say. Now begone." Cullen closed his eyes and she waited for him to open them again, staying quiet. He needed to know that it was really her. "Still here? But that's always worked before. I close my eyes, but you are still here when I open them."

"I'm real and I'm here to help you." Please believe me, she wanted to beg. But with Wynne, Petra and Alistair there she needed to temper her words lest she let her true feelings be known. And that would be a true disaster.

"Don't blame me for being cautious. The voices… the images… so real. Why are you here? How did you survive?"

"By killing everything that stood in my way."

"Good… kill Uldred. Kill all of them for what they've done. They caged us like animals looking for ways to break us. I'm the only one left. Some turned into monsters and there was nothing I could do." He sounded like he was going to break down again and she desperately wanted to hold him, to comfort him. But by the look of him, he'd rebuke her, maybe even hurt her. The thought of him being turned into someone that would hurt her made her blood boil.

"You must stay strong."

"And to think I once thought we were too hard on you."

"We're not all evil, Cullen."

"Only mages have that much power at their fingertips. Only mages are so susceptible to the infernal whispers of the demons. They are in the Harrowing chamber. The sounds coming up from there… oh Maker…" His voice broke again. "You can't save them. You don't know what they've become."

"I'm a mage too, Cullen."

"But you haven't been up there. You haven't been under their influence. They've been surrounded by blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts. You have to end it now before it's too late."

"I want to save everyone who can possibly be saved."

"Are you really saving anyone by taking this risk? To ensure this horror is ended… to guarantee that no abominations or blood mages live you must kill everyone up there." What they had to do to him to turn sweet, gentle Cullen into this, it made her sick. No matter how passionately he believed in his cause she couldn't just slaughter innocents.

"I'd rather spare maleficarum than risk harming an innocent."

"Thank you for being rational," Wynne said, putting her hand on Amell's shoulder.

"Rational? How is this rational? Do you understand the danger? You know nothing. I'm thinking about the future of the circle. Of Ferelden."

"I don't want the blood of innocents on my hands."

"I am just willing to see the painful truth which you are content to ignore." His voice held nothing but venom. "But what can I do? As you can see, I am in no position to directly influence your actions, though I would love to deal with the mages myself."

"Perhaps I can free you."

"Is that wise?" Alistair asked, speaking for the first time since they entered the chamber.

"Don't waste time on me. Deal with Uldred if that is what you plan to do. Once he is dead, I will be freed."

"Stay safe. It will be over soon." She tried to soothe him with her words but he was too far gone.

"No one ever listens. Not until it far too late. Maker turn his gaze on you. I hope your compassion hasn't doomed us all."

Leaving him was one of the hardest things she had to do, but Uldred needed to be dealt with. And deal with him she did. The battle was hard fought, she nearly lost Alistair to the abomination that used to be Uldred but in the end they conquered. Breathless, she went to where the first enchanter was seated. There was blood on his face but he looked otherwise uninjured.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yes child. I thank you."

"We must return to Greagoir and let him know the nightmare is over.

# # # # #

Cullen followed Amell and her group in silence. Among them were the mages that they supposedly rescued. If he had a sword, he would have cut them all down. Amell included. How could she be so blind? Sparing them, letting them trick her into believing that they weren't corrupted. He knew better. And he would convince Knight Commander Greagoir of the continued danger.

She kept looking back at him, sadness in her eyes. She pitied him. He didn't want her pity. Couldn't stand her pity. He wanted to yell at her, shake her until she understood. But he wouldn't, couldn't, go near her. Alistair also kept looking back at him, not pity in his eyes. Something else. Something darker. He wanted to go to his friend until he remembered they were no longer friends. He had sided with her. He couldn't see the danger either. He was bewitched. Poor fool.

They reached the bottom of the tower and the First Enchanter convinced Greagoir to open the door.

"The tower has been cleansed. Uldred is dead and so is his blood mages. It's over," Amell told Greagoir. The Irving only nodded when Greagoir turned to him.

He couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Uldred tortured these mages, hoping to break their wills and turn them into abominations. We don't know how many have turned."

"Turned? None of us have turned," Irving voiced, sounding a bit scandalized.

"Of course he'd say that. He might be a blood mage."

"I am not a blood mage."

"Enough Ser Cullen."

"But they may have demons inside of them, lying dormant, lying in wait. Don't you know what they did? I won't allow this to happen again."

"Stand down, Cullen. That's an order."

So the Knight Commander was blind as well. He had done his duty. The consequences were on his head now.

"Cullen please. I know you've been through a lot but these mages aren't to blame," Amell said, her voice soft, pleading almost.

"All mages are dangerous. You're a mage. You're just as dangerous," he muttered, unsure if she even heard him. Seeing the look on her face, she had. She looked hurt. But it was a trick. Who knew what had happened to her on her way up the tower. Perhaps she was corrupted as well. Perhaps if he turned his back, she would attack and destroy them all. He shook his head. He just couldn't trust her, couldn't trust any of them. Why was the Knight Commander so blind?

Greagoir and Irving had walked away from them leaving Cullen standing alone. He liked being alone. So when she approached him, looking nervous like a mouse, he sighed unhappily. He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want the temptation, the reminder of his failures, shoved in his face. So before she could even speak he turned on his heel and left her standing there staring after him.


	12. Chapter 12

The One Who Watches

Alistair found Amell sitting on one of the few undestroyed bunks in the apprentice sleeping quarters, head in her hands, shoulders shaking from her sobs. He wanted to comfort her, wanted to wrap her in his arms and whisper that it would be okay but he stopped himself. He needed to be strong. He needed the truth.

"What did they tempt you with?" he asked, his voice coming out harder than he intended.

"What?"

"In the fade. You saw what they tempted me with. A family, you. What was it that you desired?"

He needed to hear it. Needed her to say it so he could start to move on.

"Alistair…"

"Just say it. We both know it is true. Just say it," he was yelling at her.

"I didn't want to hurt you."

He closed his eyes. "I thought you loved me." His voice is softer now. Pain lacing through his words.

"I did. I do."

"But not as much as you love him."

She began to cry again in earnest. The desire to hold her came on strong. He ignored the part of himself that was angry with her and wrapped his arms around her small frame. He pulled her in close, as close as his armor would allow. He felt her hot tears against the side of his neck and all he wanted was to kiss away her pain. But he knew it wouldn't help. He wasn't who she wanted.

"I don't know what to do," she sobbed. "He's broken and I don't know how to fix it. And now I've hurt you and I don't know what to do."

He swallows his own pain. "Go to him. He needs you."

"You heard what he said."

"I also know how he feels about you. That hasn't changed. You can help him."

She looked up from his shoulder and into his eyes. "What about you?"

"I love you enough to let you go."

She kisses him and he lets her, memorizing the feel of her lips for the last time.

"I'm so sorry Alistair."

He shakes his head. He doesn't want an apology. He doesn't even know what he wants. "Go."

# # # # #

Amell found Cullen alone. "Cullen?" She whispered, not wanting to startle him.

"You shouldn't be here, Amell."

"I just want to talk."

"I think I've said all that I needed to say."

"Then let me talk. Cullen, I care for you. I can't imagine what they did to you but please let me help." She moved closer to him, close enough to touch. She risked it, needing the contact. She reached out and caressed his cheek. "Let me heal you."

He grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her against him. He smashed his mouth against hers and slipped his tongue in her mouth. He kissed like a man drowning and she was his air. He kissed like a hungry lion, needing to devour her, his prey. It is unlike anything she'd ever experienced and it both frightened and excited her. She lost herself in the feel of him, finally him, against her. She wrapped her hands in his hair, running through the soft curls, pulling him in closer. She couldn't breathe but she couldn't break away.

He pushed her against the wall, trapping her with his body weight. It's too much, too fast and she pulled away. "Cullen," she said, out of breath.

"Isn't this what you want, demon? For me to let go. For me to take what you are offering?"

"Not like this." His words scared her. "It's Amell. Not a demon. Just me."

"And what do you want from me? My body? My soul?"

She stroked his cheeks, tears careening down her face. "I want to help you."

He pulled away completely and she felt empty. "Then leave me be. Stop this torment and get out of my sight."

For the first time, it was her turn to flee from him, her heart broken. He was gone within the week.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read The One Who Watches. Amell, Cullen and Alistair's stories are far from done. Keep reading The One Who Protects to find out what happens next.**


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